BillLindau

"May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's Resolutions." -- Attributed to Joey Adams, Borscht Belt comedian

I think the world would be such a nicer place to live if everybody followed the advice of the title of that old tune from one of Charlie Chaplin's movies (Tony Bennett and Barbra Streisand covered it on Bennett's "Duets" album, which came out last summer and, I'm happy to say, has been nominated for a Grammy Award).

The quote above was the theme of the Dec. 31, 2006 New York Times Crossword. I thought it was fabulous. The punch line: Nobody keeps New Year's Resolutions. I tried that out on somebody and I don't think they got it, from the looks I receive.

I try to start each new year on an upbeat, but it's doggone hard when you meet other people who don't take that same approach. This includes convenience store clerks and fast-food restaurant workers who only smile at customers when their bosses are watching.

On New Year's Day 2006 I made a resolution to start each day with a funny remark, a compliment or a quote from a Beatles song. I haven't done it every day, but I've made the effort.

Only on this New Year's Day, I ran into at least two people who didn't make the effort to smile at one of my remarks because they were too bogged down with work.

I had stopped into a local fast-food eatery for a snack and a look at the newspaper. At one time the place played a song by Coldplay, from their "X&Y" CD from 2005.

I was so excited I thanked one of the cashiers for having the restaurant play that. The cashier gave me one of those cow-eyed stares, as if she didn't know what I was talking about. I gave her the thumbs-up, shouting "That's my number-one group!"

Same reaction.

I went back and told the shift manager the same thing. She gave me a similar deadpan expression and said, "We don't set that. It's pre-set."

I wish I knew when it became such a faux pas to say something complimentary. Even if it weren't your doing?

That reaction just put me in a bad mood. I filled out one of those cards complaining about that kind of reaction.

I've had a joie de vivre which I wanted to share with the world. That includes a phone greeting in which I say "Good day" in four languages. I put that on a cell phone that I used at work and my supervisor gave me a hard time about it and ordered me to change it. I did, but I wrote letters to several newspapers telling about the incident. I have the same greeting on my own cell phone: "Bonjour! Guten Tag! Buenos dias! Hello!"

Somebody else said it sounded eccentric, but I don't care. That's one of the things that make this world such a drag sometimes: Some people are so buttoned-down they seem to begrudge other people their non-buttoned-down-edness.

I don't understand people like that. What a bunch of sad sacks. Whatever happened to "Service with a Smile"?

We all get up on the wrong side of the proverbial bed sometime, but the people we deal with aren't interested -- anybody listening?! I know I'd have gotten chopped if I ever came to work with a sourpuss attitude. How the people I mentioned ever get away with it I'll never know.

I'm glad that's not a universal trait. Another place I frequent features staff who appreciate my one-liners and attempts at life-brightening a bit more than others. They've also banned smoking, another plus in my book.

While we're on the subject, one of the staff at a local library has worked there for at least four years, and in all the time I've gone there, I've never seen her crack a smile. One day I called her "Stony" and she had a fit. That's not the worst thing I've said to anybody. I was hoping she'd take the hint and act a little bit more pleased about serving the patrons, even the ones they're clearly not fans of. If I'd been the head librarian that young woman would've been history.

I know what I say goes over some people's heads. They see me as some dotty old local, and maybe I could remedy that by explaining my take on things.

I used to be a bit of a crab, but lately I've discovered the joy of doing or saying something nice and watching somebody's eyes light up, watch the bad mood disappear from his/her face.

I want to keep doing that, even if some of the people I say things to are so wrapped up on their own issues (or really have something bad going on) that it doesn't touch them. I just go on doing my thing.

I wake up each morning in the blackest of moods myself, but after my usual shower and a trip to a fast-food joint for a meat-free biscuit, a senior soda and a newspaper I try to keep my chin up and chase the Nazis off with an upbeat appearance. It's too bad not everybody has learned that particular trick. If you encounter them, just keep smilin'. Keep on truckin'.